I had some time in church today to walk around and I happened upon a display with lots of great information about parenting. You know the displays - trifolds containing information about like "10 Ways to be a Great Parent" or "Stress and Parenting" or "Ten Tips on How to Talk to Your Child". I was in one of those moods to think and learn, so I grabbed several of the trifolds and walked over to a table to go through them. So here I am, an author of a book on parenting, reading through these list going "Yep, that is a good one" . . . "Boy, I needed that advice at 9am this morning" . . . "How could I forget that one". There were even a couple of times that I looked at an item and realized I had said the exact same thing in my book.
Two things hit me from those moments of reading. The first being that I need as much advice as the next dad. I think about being a dad often, but it is one of those things that gets more challenging, not less. Surprised? Well, don't be. Weekly for sure, but probably daily, I realize that maybe I could have handled some situation better.
The second realization - I could read these lists every day and probably end up doing nothing differently. For me, they help expose my flaws or ignorance, but they don't stick to my bones. What I need to do - - is to bring them to my next lunch with a friend and ask him to spend 10 minutes talking about them to see what thoughts we have - and then ask ourselves the question "So what I am going to do different tomorrow?" And then check in on each other to make sure we are working at it. Kind of simple - but my conviction that we need friends more than lists is pretty strong. Now if we can have a friend and a list - - then things can really start moving. :)
One thing to leave you with - in the next week ask a few people you work with "What is the best piece of advice they ever received about parenting, and what made it so great?" I will take a good conversation over a good list any day.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Family Vacation
Much has been written about the 'Family Vacation'. Early on in my life I can remember seeing National Lampoons movie, Vacation, starring Chevy Chase. I laughed at the many crazy things they did, mostly as an observer of how crazy these parents acted during their drama filled trip. Then the got to Wally World - and everything turned out okay.
Last weekend I found myself at my own 'Wally World', except in my home state it is called Michigan's Adventure. It is a combination waterpark/amusement park so their is something for everyone. One of the things that struck me early in the day was the fact that I was relaxed and having fun. Surprised? Well, let me share some of the details - the temp was 90+, the waterpark was so crowded the wave pools were like bumper cars with people as the cars, there was no real place to sit down, and the lines in the waterpark were 15 - 25 minutes long in most cases. There was very little shade and one wave pool actually closed for cleaning in the middle of the day. Not sure why - but I had the Caddy Shack Baby Ruth scene in my head and it made it hard to go back in. I was hot and thirsty for most of the day. So does that sound fun too you?
But it was fun. And it was fun mainly because I watched my kids having fun and realized that if I could look at the day through their eyes - it would be a good day. Now I am not saying that I have always been this wise. Although I have always seen the value of the family vacation as a father - when the kids were younger it would often take me 2-3 days to get into the rhthym of the vacation and actually enjoy it. It was always stressful to see sleeping/eating schedules disrupted, be away from the baby safe house, and not have the refuges to escape the commotion.
We are our own worst enemies on these vacations. I learned long ago to value the relationships/memories that are created by these jaunts - and then the pain that often accompanies the process becomes a lot smaller. Seeing the excitement of grandparents holding their grandchildren, watching cousins become friends, watching aunts/uncles become familiar, and seeing children experience wonder are things that are all there - we just need to look for them a little more.
My advice - watch the movie with your life to give you something to laugh at while you live your own movie - but when your eyes are not seeing the value try looking through the eyes of someone else.
Last weekend I found myself at my own 'Wally World', except in my home state it is called Michigan's Adventure. It is a combination waterpark/amusement park so their is something for everyone. One of the things that struck me early in the day was the fact that I was relaxed and having fun. Surprised? Well, let me share some of the details - the temp was 90+, the waterpark was so crowded the wave pools were like bumper cars with people as the cars, there was no real place to sit down, and the lines in the waterpark were 15 - 25 minutes long in most cases. There was very little shade and one wave pool actually closed for cleaning in the middle of the day. Not sure why - but I had the Caddy Shack Baby Ruth scene in my head and it made it hard to go back in. I was hot and thirsty for most of the day. So does that sound fun too you?
But it was fun. And it was fun mainly because I watched my kids having fun and realized that if I could look at the day through their eyes - it would be a good day. Now I am not saying that I have always been this wise. Although I have always seen the value of the family vacation as a father - when the kids were younger it would often take me 2-3 days to get into the rhthym of the vacation and actually enjoy it. It was always stressful to see sleeping/eating schedules disrupted, be away from the baby safe house, and not have the refuges to escape the commotion.
We are our own worst enemies on these vacations. I learned long ago to value the relationships/memories that are created by these jaunts - and then the pain that often accompanies the process becomes a lot smaller. Seeing the excitement of grandparents holding their grandchildren, watching cousins become friends, watching aunts/uncles become familiar, and seeing children experience wonder are things that are all there - we just need to look for them a little more.
My advice - watch the movie with your life to give you something to laugh at while you live your own movie - but when your eyes are not seeing the value try looking through the eyes of someone else.
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