Stress

In my book So You're Gonna Be A DAD-Now What? I urge fathers to know their breaking point. Early on I learned mine when I started singing the Shut-Up song. So you think I would have this whole stress thing under control - after all I wrote about it.

Well I have something to admit - I am human. This past weekend I found myself having problems balancing work, family, this book, and several other big things and I thought I was doing okay. The realization that I was not on top of things occurred when I was leaving a voice message for a guy named Rudy to cut down some trees and I forgot our home phone number. This was not a new number - it was the same one we have had for 12 years! As my wife heard me admit my issue and then silently stand there for 3 seconds, she finally came to my aide with the number and I sheepishly finished the message and hung up. So, am I a stress expert?

Well, I quickly realized I needed to make some changes because I was not handling things well. I picked up the one stress management book that I own and spent 45 minutes scanning the pages and reminding myself of all the things that I should already know. Healthy food, exercise, and get more sleep - - yes, I know - - DUH! I am not sure if you need any encouragement right now - but here are my tips.

#1 - Keep a stress management book around. Preferably short (<150pp)>Stress Reduction for Busy People by Dawn Groves. She covers the basics and does it in 119pp.

#2 - Talk to someone about your stress. Spouse, friend at home, friend at work - let someone close to you know how you are feeling. A 5 min conversation with my wife in the kitchen turned my day around!

#3 - Locate the cause and fix it! Some solutions are easy (stop volunteering, get a planner) while others are very difficult (job change, end an addiction) - but we have to deal with it. Stress shortens life and ruins relationships.

So Are you stressed about something?
How effectively are you dealing with it? Is it impacting other parts of your life?
Do you have three people in your life that you can vent to?

Tired Dad?

Three big events this week - I met two tired dads and on the way to work one day I saw a rainbow. So how are these all tied together? Well, looking into the eyes of a tired father and hearing their voice makes me remember how I used to crawl around someday wondering when it would all end - when the earache would clear, the teeth would come in, or they would just not be hungry for 6 hours at a time. I remember weeks disappearing and the norm becoming that feeling of being tired and just busy.

So how does the rainbow fit in? It struck me when I saw it that the rainbow appeared on the west side of the highway I was on that the only way it could be created was to have sunshine along with the rain. After making that statement I kind of feel like someone who probably lost at the game show Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? But the reality is, how often are we really thankful for the rain that had to come to create the rainbow?

Having kids is great - and the reality is that we have to endure tough times as part of the package. Even though my children are beyond diapers, I still have tough days. It brings to mind some people who always bring sunshine into my days when I am having a personally rainy day/week. One person I can think of at work always greets me with a smile and that generally reminds me that it is not all that bad. A good question for you - Who brings sunshine into your day when you are tired and gloomy? If you do not have an answer to this one - find one! And look for the rainbow . . . .

So You're Gonna Be A DAD-Now What?

When the title of my book was finalized, the focus was to alert Dad that this was his book - and it was especially focused on the new father. I think that has worked, because no one who has seen it has asked me "So Scott, who is your new book for?" I am waiting for that question - and I promise to be nice, with maybe a tiny bit of sarcasm in my answer.

A couple of days ago I was looking at the title and I was drawn to the question "Now What?" It made me think of the first moment when the reality of fatherhood hit me and I realized what was happening. So the question is What were you doing when the reality of being a dad hit you? I asked that question of a friend of mine who was expecting his third child and his answer was "About 4 weeks before the due date when I was assembling the crib. Having been down the road before, that was the moment when it became real to me that we were having a baby."

For me, the vivid memory I have was the birth of our son. Prior to that moment we had received gifts, I been called Dad many times, taken a birthing class, toured the hospital, and all the other things that new parents do - but it was not real for me until that moment. It was funny because as soon as our son was born I can remember standing by him and kind of ignoring everything else that was going on around me - including my wife for a few moments. It was really cool - and for the very first time very real. . .

So the reality of parenting hits us all at a different moment - but it eventually hits us all. If you are a new dad, this is a great question to ask a few experienced fathers around you to see what they say. It is actually fun for me to think back to what I do remember - because, as with many memories, certain things just stick.