Often I get asked about my next book. After all, the first book was about newborns and being a new father of something that eats, sleeps, and lets of some unbelievable smells. Then it crawls and then walks – but at some point it begins to think and then the moment of truth comes – it begins to copy us. I use the word ‘it’ to this point because I have heard fathers talk about how they are ‘not really baby people’. Let me call these ‘It Dads’, because realistically this person that has come into your life remains largely an enigma for you, because it does not do anything. But, when he/she starts to copy you, show a personality, and an ability to engage you – then watch out.
In my experience, this is when parenting shifts gears because someone is watching. Up to this point your time has been changed and you have experienced sleep deprivation and mental frustration way beyond what any book or person could have prepared you for – but you could still say and do whatever you wanted because ‘the baby’ was not paying attention. A friend told me a story one time of how Dad was reminded of this fact.
As they were approaching potty training time, one day mom noticed their daughter making her way into the bathroom as a sign that she needed to go. Of course mom verbally supported her by saying the words that the child had learned to be associated with that feeling of discomfort “Do you have to go potty?”, followed by the positive affirmation of “Good girl, go to the potty.”. The excitement for mom grew as the little legs took her young daughter around the corner and into the bathroom. Her books had told her about this moment and after 2+ years of diapers she dreamed of the ‘time’ coming. This was the moment her daughter proves she is brilliant! She gleefully watched as her daughter lifted the toilet seat, pulled down her diapers, put both of her hands in front of her, and then proceeded to pee right down her legs and onto her diaper and the carpet. The first reaction? Dad had to be summoned! The ensuing conversation – full of a whole lot of laughter from Dad, and eventually Mom – reminded him that he has to start shutting the bathroom door! For better or for worse Dad – they are watching you and starting to copy you.
My favorite author is Vince Flynn, writes novels about modern day espionage. In one of his most recent books I was reminded of the transition from infant to child when one of his characters inadvertently swears in front of his child. Of course, the young child with limited vocabulary begins to repeat the word over and over again with such clarity that you begin to think your child is a genious. The character is saved by the fact that his wife comes home and, through a set of somewhat believable circumstances, utters the same profanity. This starts the child to again repeat the word over and over again, to which dad simply remains mute about his indiscretion and lets mom feel the guilt. If I ever meet Vince Flynn I need to ask him the question “Is this particular incident is autobiographical?”
So it is time to write book number two, and in the upcoming months I am going to use this blog to explore some of the chapters that come to mind in this next stage of parenting.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Hey DAD – WE can weather this storm
When our first child was six months old I was sitting at work one day when the phone rang. It was my wife, Jenny, and from the first moment I heard her voice I could tell she was in pain. In fact, she had been out on the front porch moving a plant and had thrown her back out. She had managed to get into the house and to the phone, but she couldn’t move, and she was lying there watching our little man rolling on the floor in front of her.
Of course, I quickly drove home to help. Finally, a situation in which I was called on to do something she couldn’t do. I kind of saw myself as Rambo, the guy who always faced incredible odds on the movie screen, but battled his way to victory! After a (relatively) quick trip to the emergency room and a stop by the pharmacy for some medicine, I was read to take on baby, house, and anything else that had to be done. Like Rambo, I was going to conquer whatever the world and our baby threw at me. I steeled myself for the battle; I had been training my entire life for this moment.
The first twenty-four hours were a blur – meals, cleaning, constantly attending to baby, bringing him to Jenny to feed . . . . it seemed like one thing after another until the day was gone. After two days of me on high alert and leading the patrol, my sister-in-law came over and offered to do the laundry and some cleaning so I could rest. I respectfully declined her offer of help. After all, I had everything under control and was ready for more. John Rambo had nothing on me!
Within a few hours of her leaving I was sitting in front of my injured wife, broken down into tears, telling her that I was overwhelmed and I had nothing left. I can honestly say that after four children this was the one and only time that I had a reason to be more tired and stressed than she was!
I experienced that incident in 1997 when I was a new father and it felt like I was facing some incredible challenges while caring for this one child. I loved my new role as a dad, but it was not always easy.
That was then . . . This is now . . .
Open the paper today and what are the headlines you read?
Mounting Job Losses Fueling Foreclosures
Recession Fears Hit Wall Street
Unemployment Rate Highest Since 1994
These were all headlines I collected recently. The only good news I read was the experts were only expecting these conditions to last through late 2009 or early 2010. And that was the GOOD NEWS! It is pretty clear that as Americans our world has officially been rocked and most are experiencing some sort of loss – job, retirement money, home, income, medical insurance, etc. Probably the only good news for most people is that they don’t live where I live – Michigan. By all accounts we are experiencing one of the toughest economic periods our world has seen in a long time, if not ever.
So what should we do?
Other than thinking ‘just survive’, I was not sure until I read another bit of news that was overshadowed by the noise of a melting economy. In a recently published study (USA Today / US News and World Report), psychologist James Paulson found 10% of new fathers showed signs of moderate to severe depression. It went on to say that there are measurable impacts of this depression on the development of children. Children of depressed fathers get significantly less interactions such as reading, telling stories, and songs. The result – at two years, children of depressed fathers had a smaller vocabulary. My thought? I have heard from many fatherhood experts that how I act impacts my children, now there is more solid proof.
So what should we do?
My first thought - why wait for the next study to tell us what we already know – the stress of being a new father is real. It is real and it is likely worse today because of all the other things that I mentioned above. I don’t have a PhD, but I am going to go out on a limb and say that, as a father, I think we all have more reasons to be depressed today than we did four years ago. If we do nothing more than just ‘hold on’, it is very likely the depression percentage for new fathers will go up.
My advice – increase your investments. I don’t mean in your retirement account or your bank account. Increase your investments in the relationships around you. Why? Well, there is a lot of research available stating friendship is important. Tom Rath of the Gallup Organization makes several points in his book, Vital Friends. He found that only 30% of us report having a best friend at work. But if we are lucky to be part of that 30%, we are seven times more likely to be engaged in our job. He says that “People with at least three close friends at work were 96% more likely to be extremely satisfied with their life”. In his book Bowling Alone, Robert Putnam came to the conclusion that if you are a smoker and a loner then your life expectancy will be increased more if you find some friends than if you stop smoking. In the end, it is this support network that helps us break out of those ‘funks’ we find ourselves in and guides us back to the important things in our lives. A support network empathizes with our struggles, reminds us that suffering never lasts forever, and offers timely encouragement. Do we really need any more studies?
So when you open the paper today you probably will not see any headlines like “Dad’s Unite in This Crisis” or “National BFF Day for Dad’s Declared by Congress”. (fyi . . BFF is a well known texting acronym for Best Friends Forever) Mostly you are going to see headlines about things that feel largely out of your control. What can you control? How about how often you take the time to stop, talk, and listen to friends. How about taking ten minutes to tuck your kids into bed and read them a story or talk about their day? How about whether you eat lunch alone at your desk or at a table with someone from your office? In a year or two or three, things will get better. In the meantime we all need to have a few dinner parties (or potlucks), share a family meal, go to lunch with a friend, have a game night . . . and connect with friends. Don’t be Rambo . . . .
Of course, I quickly drove home to help. Finally, a situation in which I was called on to do something she couldn’t do. I kind of saw myself as Rambo, the guy who always faced incredible odds on the movie screen, but battled his way to victory! After a (relatively) quick trip to the emergency room and a stop by the pharmacy for some medicine, I was read to take on baby, house, and anything else that had to be done. Like Rambo, I was going to conquer whatever the world and our baby threw at me. I steeled myself for the battle; I had been training my entire life for this moment.
The first twenty-four hours were a blur – meals, cleaning, constantly attending to baby, bringing him to Jenny to feed . . . . it seemed like one thing after another until the day was gone. After two days of me on high alert and leading the patrol, my sister-in-law came over and offered to do the laundry and some cleaning so I could rest. I respectfully declined her offer of help. After all, I had everything under control and was ready for more. John Rambo had nothing on me!
Within a few hours of her leaving I was sitting in front of my injured wife, broken down into tears, telling her that I was overwhelmed and I had nothing left. I can honestly say that after four children this was the one and only time that I had a reason to be more tired and stressed than she was!
I experienced that incident in 1997 when I was a new father and it felt like I was facing some incredible challenges while caring for this one child. I loved my new role as a dad, but it was not always easy.
That was then . . . This is now . . .
Open the paper today and what are the headlines you read?
Mounting Job Losses Fueling Foreclosures
Recession Fears Hit Wall Street
Unemployment Rate Highest Since 1994
These were all headlines I collected recently. The only good news I read was the experts were only expecting these conditions to last through late 2009 or early 2010. And that was the GOOD NEWS! It is pretty clear that as Americans our world has officially been rocked and most are experiencing some sort of loss – job, retirement money, home, income, medical insurance, etc. Probably the only good news for most people is that they don’t live where I live – Michigan. By all accounts we are experiencing one of the toughest economic periods our world has seen in a long time, if not ever.
So what should we do?
Other than thinking ‘just survive’, I was not sure until I read another bit of news that was overshadowed by the noise of a melting economy. In a recently published study (USA Today / US News and World Report), psychologist James Paulson found 10% of new fathers showed signs of moderate to severe depression. It went on to say that there are measurable impacts of this depression on the development of children. Children of depressed fathers get significantly less interactions such as reading, telling stories, and songs. The result – at two years, children of depressed fathers had a smaller vocabulary. My thought? I have heard from many fatherhood experts that how I act impacts my children, now there is more solid proof.
So what should we do?
My first thought - why wait for the next study to tell us what we already know – the stress of being a new father is real. It is real and it is likely worse today because of all the other things that I mentioned above. I don’t have a PhD, but I am going to go out on a limb and say that, as a father, I think we all have more reasons to be depressed today than we did four years ago. If we do nothing more than just ‘hold on’, it is very likely the depression percentage for new fathers will go up.
My advice – increase your investments. I don’t mean in your retirement account or your bank account. Increase your investments in the relationships around you. Why? Well, there is a lot of research available stating friendship is important. Tom Rath of the Gallup Organization makes several points in his book, Vital Friends. He found that only 30% of us report having a best friend at work. But if we are lucky to be part of that 30%, we are seven times more likely to be engaged in our job. He says that “People with at least three close friends at work were 96% more likely to be extremely satisfied with their life”. In his book Bowling Alone, Robert Putnam came to the conclusion that if you are a smoker and a loner then your life expectancy will be increased more if you find some friends than if you stop smoking. In the end, it is this support network that helps us break out of those ‘funks’ we find ourselves in and guides us back to the important things in our lives. A support network empathizes with our struggles, reminds us that suffering never lasts forever, and offers timely encouragement. Do we really need any more studies?
So when you open the paper today you probably will not see any headlines like “Dad’s Unite in This Crisis” or “National BFF Day for Dad’s Declared by Congress”. (fyi . . BFF is a well known texting acronym for Best Friends Forever) Mostly you are going to see headlines about things that feel largely out of your control. What can you control? How about how often you take the time to stop, talk, and listen to friends. How about taking ten minutes to tuck your kids into bed and read them a story or talk about their day? How about whether you eat lunch alone at your desk or at a table with someone from your office? In a year or two or three, things will get better. In the meantime we all need to have a few dinner parties (or potlucks), share a family meal, go to lunch with a friend, have a game night . . . and connect with friends. Don’t be Rambo . . . .
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Hey Dads - lets get ahead of the game
Has anyone been paying attention to the economy? That is kind of a stupid question because it seems that we are all spending lots of time think about retirement funds, mortgages, food, our jobs, bills, etc, etc. I have to admit that I have been extremely preoccupied with what is happening, why it is happening, what is being done to fix it, and how we will weather the storm. I was at a party last week talking to a friend and I asked him the question "What do you think about what is happening in the economy". His answer surprised me . . "I have made an effort not to read about it and not to worry about it, so I don't have much to say." It made me think - maybe I am thinking too much about the wrong things.
Shortly after this conversation I was reading an article in USA Today that stated 10% of dads of 9 month olds had symptoms of clinical depression - which compares to a 5% measure for men the same age. The article goes on to connect the impact of a fathers depression on the development of his children. It got me thinking, with all of the new financial stress on new fathers, it is safe to say that likely that number has probably gone up. So, do we wait around for the next study to confirm what we already know?
Let's not wait. First of all, if you are a new father please realize that it is a tough time to be a father and if the stress is hitting you do something about it. For most of us, connecting with our spouse, friends, and whatever else we can do to put our worries in perspective is key. If you are in a position where your support network is not there look for some help through your health care plan, your church, your community organizations - just don't wait for the next study to confirm what we already know. A stressed out father has a negative impact on their children.
If you are a friend of a father, do some simple things to reach out to them. If you are uncertain how to start the conversation I wrote my book to be a bridge for you. on my website (www.momentsforfathers.com) I have included a copy of my entire book under the Excerpt menu item. Download the .pdf file and email to your friend or just print it out somewhere.
Studies are thought provoking, but why wait for the next one to confirm what we already know. Hey Dads - we will get through this - but we have to do it together.
Shortly after this conversation I was reading an article in USA Today that stated 10% of dads of 9 month olds had symptoms of clinical depression - which compares to a 5% measure for men the same age. The article goes on to connect the impact of a fathers depression on the development of his children. It got me thinking, with all of the new financial stress on new fathers, it is safe to say that likely that number has probably gone up. So, do we wait around for the next study to confirm what we already know?
Let's not wait. First of all, if you are a new father please realize that it is a tough time to be a father and if the stress is hitting you do something about it. For most of us, connecting with our spouse, friends, and whatever else we can do to put our worries in perspective is key. If you are in a position where your support network is not there look for some help through your health care plan, your church, your community organizations - just don't wait for the next study to confirm what we already know. A stressed out father has a negative impact on their children.
If you are a friend of a father, do some simple things to reach out to them. If you are uncertain how to start the conversation I wrote my book to be a bridge for you. on my website (www.momentsforfathers.com) I have included a copy of my entire book under the Excerpt menu item. Download the .pdf file and email to your friend or just print it out somewhere.
Studies are thought provoking, but why wait for the next one to confirm what we already know. Hey Dads - we will get through this - but we have to do it together.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Parenting and sports
Soccer season ended today with our team party. Once you have parented for a while I you have to try coaching a sport. As I watched the 9 five year olds run around our yard it made me smile - because they basically smile all the time. Win or lose, it really never mattered, they just played. But I don't want to totally misrepresent the experience, there were some tough points.
I remember the first practice when it was like a well oiled machine. I talked, they jumped, parents helped - it was amazing. I thought - wow, after four kids I am REALLY good! Then came practice three - and just about everything that went right went wrong. They cried, they did not listen, they were openly defiante to my authority. It was as if a union steward had organized them on the playground with the explicit orders to stick it to the man so that he did not think he had the upper hand. At some point during my debrief at home my wife looked me in the eye and said, "Remember Scott, they are only five."
The one thing that bothers me about sports in general today is that kids don't seem to play them for fun - and parents spend more time telling them what to do rather than just cheering them on. I learned a long time ago to focus my instruction in practice and to do my best not to overwhelm them with dialogue during the game. After all, they are "only five". So when you are at the game just sit back and listen every now and then - and my guess is that you will hear a few things that make you think twice about what kind of encouragement you offer.
Let me finish by saying that I have my moments too. As the kids get older it is easier to slip into a little old school coaching - barking and riding them more than normal. But make sure you let them know you love em along the way - then they will still follow you.
I remember the first practice when it was like a well oiled machine. I talked, they jumped, parents helped - it was amazing. I thought - wow, after four kids I am REALLY good! Then came practice three - and just about everything that went right went wrong. They cried, they did not listen, they were openly defiante to my authority. It was as if a union steward had organized them on the playground with the explicit orders to stick it to the man so that he did not think he had the upper hand. At some point during my debrief at home my wife looked me in the eye and said, "Remember Scott, they are only five."
The one thing that bothers me about sports in general today is that kids don't seem to play them for fun - and parents spend more time telling them what to do rather than just cheering them on. I learned a long time ago to focus my instruction in practice and to do my best not to overwhelm them with dialogue during the game. After all, they are "only five". So when you are at the game just sit back and listen every now and then - and my guess is that you will hear a few things that make you think twice about what kind of encouragement you offer.
Let me finish by saying that I have my moments too. As the kids get older it is easier to slip into a little old school coaching - barking and riding them more than normal. But make sure you let them know you love em along the way - then they will still follow you.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
How many ways are there to be a great parent
I had some time in church today to walk around and I happened upon a display with lots of great information about parenting. You know the displays - trifolds containing information about like "10 Ways to be a Great Parent" or "Stress and Parenting" or "Ten Tips on How to Talk to Your Child". I was in one of those moods to think and learn, so I grabbed several of the trifolds and walked over to a table to go through them. So here I am, an author of a book on parenting, reading through these list going "Yep, that is a good one" . . . "Boy, I needed that advice at 9am this morning" . . . "How could I forget that one". There were even a couple of times that I looked at an item and realized I had said the exact same thing in my book.
Two things hit me from those moments of reading. The first being that I need as much advice as the next dad. I think about being a dad often, but it is one of those things that gets more challenging, not less. Surprised? Well, don't be. Weekly for sure, but probably daily, I realize that maybe I could have handled some situation better.
The second realization - I could read these lists every day and probably end up doing nothing differently. For me, they help expose my flaws or ignorance, but they don't stick to my bones. What I need to do - - is to bring them to my next lunch with a friend and ask him to spend 10 minutes talking about them to see what thoughts we have - and then ask ourselves the question "So what I am going to do different tomorrow?" And then check in on each other to make sure we are working at it. Kind of simple - but my conviction that we need friends more than lists is pretty strong. Now if we can have a friend and a list - - then things can really start moving. :)
One thing to leave you with - in the next week ask a few people you work with "What is the best piece of advice they ever received about parenting, and what made it so great?" I will take a good conversation over a good list any day.
Two things hit me from those moments of reading. The first being that I need as much advice as the next dad. I think about being a dad often, but it is one of those things that gets more challenging, not less. Surprised? Well, don't be. Weekly for sure, but probably daily, I realize that maybe I could have handled some situation better.
The second realization - I could read these lists every day and probably end up doing nothing differently. For me, they help expose my flaws or ignorance, but they don't stick to my bones. What I need to do - - is to bring them to my next lunch with a friend and ask him to spend 10 minutes talking about them to see what thoughts we have - and then ask ourselves the question "So what I am going to do different tomorrow?" And then check in on each other to make sure we are working at it. Kind of simple - but my conviction that we need friends more than lists is pretty strong. Now if we can have a friend and a list - - then things can really start moving. :)
One thing to leave you with - in the next week ask a few people you work with "What is the best piece of advice they ever received about parenting, and what made it so great?" I will take a good conversation over a good list any day.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Family Vacation
Much has been written about the 'Family Vacation'. Early on in my life I can remember seeing National Lampoons movie, Vacation, starring Chevy Chase. I laughed at the many crazy things they did, mostly as an observer of how crazy these parents acted during their drama filled trip. Then the got to Wally World - and everything turned out okay.
Last weekend I found myself at my own 'Wally World', except in my home state it is called Michigan's Adventure. It is a combination waterpark/amusement park so their is something for everyone. One of the things that struck me early in the day was the fact that I was relaxed and having fun. Surprised? Well, let me share some of the details - the temp was 90+, the waterpark was so crowded the wave pools were like bumper cars with people as the cars, there was no real place to sit down, and the lines in the waterpark were 15 - 25 minutes long in most cases. There was very little shade and one wave pool actually closed for cleaning in the middle of the day. Not sure why - but I had the Caddy Shack Baby Ruth scene in my head and it made it hard to go back in. I was hot and thirsty for most of the day. So does that sound fun too you?
But it was fun. And it was fun mainly because I watched my kids having fun and realized that if I could look at the day through their eyes - it would be a good day. Now I am not saying that I have always been this wise. Although I have always seen the value of the family vacation as a father - when the kids were younger it would often take me 2-3 days to get into the rhthym of the vacation and actually enjoy it. It was always stressful to see sleeping/eating schedules disrupted, be away from the baby safe house, and not have the refuges to escape the commotion.
We are our own worst enemies on these vacations. I learned long ago to value the relationships/memories that are created by these jaunts - and then the pain that often accompanies the process becomes a lot smaller. Seeing the excitement of grandparents holding their grandchildren, watching cousins become friends, watching aunts/uncles become familiar, and seeing children experience wonder are things that are all there - we just need to look for them a little more.
My advice - watch the movie with your life to give you something to laugh at while you live your own movie - but when your eyes are not seeing the value try looking through the eyes of someone else.
Last weekend I found myself at my own 'Wally World', except in my home state it is called Michigan's Adventure. It is a combination waterpark/amusement park so their is something for everyone. One of the things that struck me early in the day was the fact that I was relaxed and having fun. Surprised? Well, let me share some of the details - the temp was 90+, the waterpark was so crowded the wave pools were like bumper cars with people as the cars, there was no real place to sit down, and the lines in the waterpark were 15 - 25 minutes long in most cases. There was very little shade and one wave pool actually closed for cleaning in the middle of the day. Not sure why - but I had the Caddy Shack Baby Ruth scene in my head and it made it hard to go back in. I was hot and thirsty for most of the day. So does that sound fun too you?
But it was fun. And it was fun mainly because I watched my kids having fun and realized that if I could look at the day through their eyes - it would be a good day. Now I am not saying that I have always been this wise. Although I have always seen the value of the family vacation as a father - when the kids were younger it would often take me 2-3 days to get into the rhthym of the vacation and actually enjoy it. It was always stressful to see sleeping/eating schedules disrupted, be away from the baby safe house, and not have the refuges to escape the commotion.
We are our own worst enemies on these vacations. I learned long ago to value the relationships/memories that are created by these jaunts - and then the pain that often accompanies the process becomes a lot smaller. Seeing the excitement of grandparents holding their grandchildren, watching cousins become friends, watching aunts/uncles become familiar, and seeing children experience wonder are things that are all there - we just need to look for them a little more.
My advice - watch the movie with your life to give you something to laugh at while you live your own movie - but when your eyes are not seeing the value try looking through the eyes of someone else.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
The little things - splitting wood?
Yesterday at work someone shared this story with me . . . .
Last weekend was an annual event at her house. She cooked as eight fathers and eight sons converged on her house to saw logs and split wood. For a whole day, they processed the large logs that have been stacking up over the last year as her husband scavanged from neighbors and friends. She fed them multiple times as the men and high school age urban dwellers experienced for a day a chore that their great grandparents probably had as children. The irony of the whole thing - - she shared with me that they really don't need the wood. The end up giving most of their share away.
So, you are probably wondering "Why do it?"
Well, it seems her husband travels a lot, and at some point he carved out this day to sweat along side his son, teach him a little bit about hard work, and make a few friends/memories along the way. He is creating his own 'Moment' as a father with his son. It turns out this year the son asked his mother "Why are we cutting this wood? We don't even need it." Her only comment to me was "He doesn't get it. But someday he will."
Another data point for me that it is all about the little things we do, and the traditions we create. I just got back from a weekly basketball night that a friend and I created to help the kids learn about how to have a pickup basketball game. Our goal was to get them to a point where they don't need us - they just call each other and go play. Well, that has not quite happened - we still have to drive it a little bit. And we end up running a few games because there are not enough kids. Do I need to run? Probably not. My body does not enjoy it as much as my spirit does - but it is great to just laugh and play . . . which as adults we sometimes forget to do that.
Remember Dad, it is just about the simple things. And we all can do simple.
Last weekend was an annual event at her house. She cooked as eight fathers and eight sons converged on her house to saw logs and split wood. For a whole day, they processed the large logs that have been stacking up over the last year as her husband scavanged from neighbors and friends. She fed them multiple times as the men and high school age urban dwellers experienced for a day a chore that their great grandparents probably had as children. The irony of the whole thing - - she shared with me that they really don't need the wood. The end up giving most of their share away.
So, you are probably wondering "Why do it?"
Well, it seems her husband travels a lot, and at some point he carved out this day to sweat along side his son, teach him a little bit about hard work, and make a few friends/memories along the way. He is creating his own 'Moment' as a father with his son. It turns out this year the son asked his mother "Why are we cutting this wood? We don't even need it." Her only comment to me was "He doesn't get it. But someday he will."
Another data point for me that it is all about the little things we do, and the traditions we create. I just got back from a weekly basketball night that a friend and I created to help the kids learn about how to have a pickup basketball game. Our goal was to get them to a point where they don't need us - they just call each other and go play. Well, that has not quite happened - we still have to drive it a little bit. And we end up running a few games because there are not enough kids. Do I need to run? Probably not. My body does not enjoy it as much as my spirit does - but it is great to just laugh and play . . . which as adults we sometimes forget to do that.
Remember Dad, it is just about the simple things. And we all can do simple.
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